Thursday, March 18, 2010

White Chocolate: A Vituperation

Well, continuing with the same tone as yesterday's sonnet, I thought I'd express just how I feel about that great impostor known as "white" chocolate. Seriously. What sort of fraud is this? Anyway, another food sonnet for you.

White Chocolate: A Vituperation
by Gideon Burton

White chocolate, oh oxymoron foul,
No cocoa bean did bless your candy vat.
We chocoholics taste you and we howl.
What are you? An albino slab of fat,
Hydrogenized and sweetened past remorse,
Then peddled with hyperbole and fraud
To unsuspecting chocophiles, of course,
Who'd rather gargle liver oil from cod.
I've gnawed on better plastic in my day;
More flavor can be found between one's toes.
Perverse confection, fit to throw away,
Unworthy of my chocolate-sniffing nose.
     White chocolate, a joke not semisweet,
     Your coming means our end is near complete.

Feel free to copy, imitate, remix, or redistribute this poem as long as you give proper acknowledgment of authorship. Photo: flickr - kitchen wench


  1. I'm looking at the bar in your photo, and I must say it looks yummy to me. But I do agree; it has been misnamed!

  2. My 5 year old saw the photo at the top of your post and said "Ooo, I'd like a triangle keyboard like that." I'm pretty sure a big chunk of keyboard would taste better than that white abomination.